New research published in Personality and Individual Differences has identified 24 ways to be compatible with partners in romantic relationships. The findings indicate that people perceive similarities in lifestyle, opinions, and morals as key facets of romantic compatibility. In addition, researchers found that individuals tend to prefer similarity in certain factors that align with their particular love style, which may play a role in the formation and maintenance of romantic relationships.
“Most studies in this area tend to focus on desirable features in a romantic or sexual partner or general desirable features within a relationship,” said study author Alessia Marchi of the University of Padua. “Despite its evident relevance, the topic of compatibility tends to be overlooked. And sometimes the definition of compatibility itself can be different among different studies.”
“People might feel compatible with others if they are similar in features X and Y but they might also feel compatible if opposite in feature Z. The purpose of our study was to better understand the role and the definition of compatibility within romantic/sexual relationships. So we directly ask people when they perceive compatibility with a potential partner.”
Marchi and her colleagues used a list of 153 items to explore what men and women want to be compatible on. Data was collected from 274 Italian participants with an average age of 28 who were mostly heterosexual, single, and never married. The researchers conducted factor analyses to identify patterns in the data, which yielded 24 factors with good fit across relationship contexts.
The 24 factors were: lifestyle, opinion, emotions, origins, sociality, romanticism, morals, family, food, sensation, class, religion, conformity, leisure, appearance, job, conflict, empathy, humor, residence, speech, intellect, enthusiasm, and activity.
Overall, participants preferred partners who were similar to them in things like lifestyle, opinions, and morals. Surprisingly, they didn’t care as much about things like education, religion, or intelligence.
“The biggest takeaway message from our study is that people tend to feel more compatible with potential partners who are similar (rather than opposites) to them in most features,” Marchi told PsyPost. “And the features that people valued the most in terms of similarity to perceived compatibility were socio-cultural opinions, morals, values of conformity, lifestyle and residence.
“Therefore, sharing similar values, opinions and lifestyle with a partner is probably more important than we might think. Being very similar when it comes to personality factors or hobbies might, on the other hand, not be as important as we automatically think.”
When it came to choosing a long-term partner, the researchers found that participants wanted someone who was similar to them in many ways (lifestyle, opinions, romanticism, morals, family, food, religion, conformity, leisure, residence, and enthusiasm), while for short-term relationships, participants cared mostly about appearance and intellect.
Men cared more about emotional and activity similarities, while women cared more about similarities in lifestyle, opinions, morals, conformity, appearance, and empathy. This makes sense because women have traditionally invested more in raising children and so are more selective about their partners, the researchers said.
The researchers also used the Italian translation of the Love Attitudes Scale-Short Form to measure love styles. The scale includes six subscales, each with four items, representing different love styles: Eros, Ludus, Storge, Pragma, Mania, and Agape.
“We found that people might look for partners who are similar (or opposite) in different features, consistently with their love style,” Marchi told PsyPost.
Eros is characterized by passionate and intense emotions, strong physical attraction, and a desire for romance and intimacy. People who score high on this love style tend to value physical attractiveness and tend to fall in love quickly. Participants who scored high in the eros love style preferred partners who were similar in terms of romanticism, morals, conformity, appearance, empathy, humor, and enthusiasm.
Ludus is characterized by a playful and casual approach to love. People who score high on this love style tend to enjoy the thrill of the chase and the excitement of new romantic conquests. They may be less interested in long-term commitment and more interested in having fun and experiencing pleasure. Participants who scored high in the ludus love style preferred partners who were different from them in terms of residence.
Storge is characterized by a deep and stable love that grows out of a strong friendship. People who score high on this love style tend to value companionship, shared experiences, and emotional intimacy. They may be less interested in physical attraction and more interested in a lasting emotional connection. People who had a strong storge love style preferred partners who were similar in emotions, appearance, and job, but different in terms of lifestyle, opinions, and origins.
Pragma is characterized by a practical and pragmatic approach to love. People who score high on this love style tend to be logical and rational in their approach to relationships, and may consider factors such as social status, financial security, and compatibility in their choice of partner. Participants with a high pragma love style preferred partners who were similar in many ways, including lifestyle, sociality, romanticism, morals, family, food, religion, conformity, appearance, empathy, and intellect.
Mania is characterized by intense and often turbulent emotions, including jealousy, possessiveness, and obsession. People who score high on this love style may experience extreme highs and lows in their relationships and may be prone to jealousy and possessiveness. Those with a strong mania love style preferred partners who were similar in romanticism, but different in sensation and conformity.
Finally, agape is characterized by a selfless and altruistic love that seeks to care for and support the well-being of others. People who score high on this love style tend to be compassionate, empathetic, and nurturing in their approach to relationships, and may prioritize the needs of others over their own. Those with an strong agape love style preferred partners who were different in opinions, sociality, sensation, class, conformity, appearance, empathy, speech, and intellect.
However, the study includes an important caveat. The sample included 225 women but only 49 men.
“Not enough men participated to confirm that all factors of compatibility worked the same between men and women,” said co-author Zsófia Csajbók. “This would be very nice to test in future research where we have more men and potentially study other cultures as well.”
“Our factor structure and therefore the 24 items may actually be more reflective of women’s ideas,” added co-author Peter Karl Jonason. “This is a growing problem in our area of research because we are often unfunded, making it hard to get more men. Men are relatively unwilling to participate in relationship research for free unlike women.”
“What we plan to do, is take the 24 and re-use them as items themselves because the number seems like a lot, there may be underlying factors in them, and the items we used were ad hoc. Factor analyses is 60% art so we need to refine further.”
The study, “24 ways to be compatible with your relationship partners: Sex differences, context effects, and love styles“, was published May 2023.
